“Lord, forgive me,” I repeated—cringing, wincing, expecting, even wanting a whooping.
And then it hit me—not as I was expecting, but ever so gently.
I sensed my Savior saying to me, “Child, I already have.”
My mantra shifted to “Lord, please change me. I need you. Make me more like you.”
Facing your faults is not an easy ordeal, especially the cherished little ones that fester under the surface. You can be completely oblivious to these most of the time, but they affect every move, every judgment, every comment you make.
Then when your inward griping turns outward and you’re suddenly found out, you see your whole series of judgmental thoughts, nasty words, and hidden resentments flash before your eyes.
Your pastor spoke about opening one’s eyes, and you have—though what you see is not pretty. You want to shut your eyes to the ugly side, open them to a more presentable subject, such as someone else’s flaws.
Yes, you easily tell your friends to have more grace for themselves, but you can’t possibly forgive yourself. Or can you?
"God what do you want me to do to make this better?” you ask. He challenges you not about what you should do, but who you should be—His child, accepted, redeemed, forgiven. Someone who wants to change not for self-righteous reasons, but because you've been touched by the most powerful force in the universe.
He is showing you how to embrace His grace, His love, and gently showing you your true nature as a desperate ragamuffin truly in need of Him.
2 comments:
Amen, sister. Much for me to think through and learn from here.
I love your heart and the way you allow God to speak into your life, even in the times you'd rather crawl under a rock. Great thing is, his grace can find us even there.
You're a beautiful ragamuffin. Butterfly - remember? You're a model of taking hardship well! What a trying week you've had, and how well you've braved it. Continue on... ROCKY MOUNTAIN NATIONAL PARK here we come!!!
Post a Comment