In the wake of a hurtful breakup/s, painful chronic injuries, seeing friends suffer, and applying for but not getting the job I’ve been praying for years about, I’ve been questioning God.
Like John the Baptizer (who stood in prison knowing God could deliver him, but didn’t), I’ve asked Jesus, “Are you the One we’ve been expecting, or are we still waiting?”
I confess, I’ve questioned His goodness as He’s answered me with a “no” or “wait” (I’m not sure which in each case).
Beth Moore says, “Surely no pain is like the searing of the heart when ‘your God has not lived up to your expectations.’”
God hasn’t lived up to my expectations, but I’m realizing it’s my expectations that are faulty—not Him.
It’s just that when I was a kid I never knew growing up would be so tough.
But God is in a continual process of teaching us to grow up.
Even though I’m often frustrated when He doesn’t make sense to me, I’m glad He doesn’t meet all my expectations--then there would never be room for Him to exceed my expectations.
God doesn’t exist so I can get something from Him, and I don’t exist so I can get something from Him. He created us for relationship with Him.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned the past few months is that relationships require trust.
And God is teaching me to trust Him.
Do I believe that what He says is true?
“All the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.” Colossians 1:20, The Message
If He loves me enough that He sent His Son to die for me, can’t I trust Him enough to live for Him?
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4 comments:
I like what you said. You seem to have keen insight that stems from your sober view of Christianity. You seem to have a raw relationship with God -- "raw" in the sense of rooted in honesty, while you earnestly seek His friendship. Anyway, before I seem like a "palm-reader," I just want to say that I am touched by your honesty. Thanks.
kev.
Carrie,
I just happened to stumble upon your blog a couple of months ago when browsing JR's blog. I can sympathize with having trouble trusting that God has my best interests in mind. I had a few things you may want to think about:
It's good that you're recentering your perspective. I would say it's also good you're re-examining your expectations for God's work in your life.
On the other hand, you may need to consider something else. Martin Luther once said (paraphrase) that we are cold beings with dark hearts and we need to repeatedly beat the Gospel into our heads daily. This works for me - I'm not saying by any means that I'm right or that you should believe this.
Whenever life hands me a disappointment, I have to ask myself what is the source of my righteousness? Am I using my successes at work to build myself up so I can deny the Gospel? Do I so desperately want a girlfriend because I'm seeking joy ourside of Christ and His redeeming work in my life? Do I honestly think that as a sinner I deserve anything more than death? After Jesus put himself on the cross to redeem me from sin, how could I expect or ask for anything more?
When I go through that exercise, I find I come back to a place of gratitude toward God. Again, not saying I'm right, just saying it works for me.
Just something to think about...
Take care,
Will
Beautiful.
There can be harmony in the midst of hurt, praise God you can hear it!
Ten Mile Lady
I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys.
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