revelation

We make ourselves a place apart
behind light words that tease and flout,
but oh, the agitated heart
till someone really find us out.

'Tis pity if the case require
(or so we say) that in the end
we speak the literal to inspire
the understanding of a friend.

But so with all, from babes that play
at hide-and-seek to God afar,
so all who hide too well away
must speak and tell us where they are.

--Robert Frost

bye bye subie :-(

Blogger would not let me post a pic in "It hit me: Part 2 (literally)" below, but here's a glimpse of my car after the accident. Ten days later, I still miss her, but am starting to move on.
Any suggestions on a replacement vehicle?

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

Thanks to The Palace girls who hosted a great party Saturday.
There were some awfully ugly sweaters, and vests, and pantsuits. And yes, folks, I am wearing a real-live tree skirt! ( Curvy photo credits go to Abbs).

It hit me: Part 2 (literally)

I realize now more than ever how life can change in a single minute.
My wakeup call came on an ordinary Tuesday evening on my way to meet two friends at a coffee shop downtown.

I rush out the door, only to realize I’ve forgotten my cell phone. I’m going to be late, so I decide not to go back for it.
I’m downtown, not very familiar with the area.
I’m getting into the left turn lane. The light is green. I’m looking at the street sign and the oncoming traffic and decide to go. I see they’re coming quickly.

I hear a horn blast and feel the impact.
I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve never been in a real accident. A fender bender, sure—but this is bad. This is not going to be good.
I’m in slow motion, spinning around fast.
Powerless, I’m inside my car, but feel outside of it all as it collides with another and cartwheels on its side. I brace for a roll, but slide to a glass-cracking stop.

The questions begin inside my head. What just happened? Am I alive? What’s going to happen?
Quickly I see people peering through my windshield. Only a driver’s-side door separates me and the ground. I’m laying there, parallel to the earth, feeling paralyzed until the questions come from behind. Are you conscious? Are you in pain?
Then the firemen. Can you move your fingers and toes? Where are we? How old are you? What’s your name?

I realize I don’t feel any out-of-the-ordinary pain. I know I hit my head and my neck twisted in an unnatural fashion. Why am I OK? I begin to wimper then cry. They tell me to stay put while they see if they can roll my car back to an upright position. Do you think you can crawl out of here, or do you want us to cut you out? I can do it.

I don’t feel any pain. I can move, though am not sure I want to.
The fireman directs me as I crawl over my seat and out the broken back window. They lead me to an ambulance. I’m walking and shaking and answering questions and they’re making me decide if I want to go to the hospital. I don’t know how long that will take and how much it will cost and what they will do to me. No I feel fine.

I need to tell my friends what happened. My cell phone is at home. I just want to go home.
No, I don’t know their numbers. Yes, I will take a cab voucher.
The ambulance leaves, I sit in the cop car. They’re directing traffic. There’s a fire truck and about three police cars.

People driving by look shocked, like I was when I’ve seen accidents before. “I’m so glad that wasn’t me,” I thought.
Now it’s me. I thought I was a good driver. Aggressive, yes, but not reckless. I wish I could take back that split-second decision.

I get issued a $90, 3-point ticket for an improper turn, failing to yield. I’m still shaking, haven’t stopped. I can’t believe I did this. What about the other people? I go to gather my things out of my car. One cop finds my keys for me, says I need them to get in my house. It actually didn’t even occur to me to grab those. “Accidents happen,” he says. “At least no one was hurt and cars can be replaced. That’s what insurance is for.” Thank you.

The cab driver plays Enya for me as I sniffle in back seat. “Have a good night. I mean, hope your night goes better.”
First thing after telling my roommate what happened, I call the friends who’ve been worried sick and tell them I’m alive, but not well—but could be much worse.

Now what? I’m thankful to be alive. Thankful to be able to move. Thankful that soreness is my worst complaint. Yet, sad this had to happen. Sobered to realize I was powerless to stop the force of thousands of pounds of metal crashing, spinning sideways, and plummeting to their demise and my chagrin.
Humbled to accept God’s grace and dependent on help from others.
Confused about what all this means and what will happen.
Anxious to know what I’m supposed to learn from this, and for these lessons I’m strangely thankful.
I’m thankful to know what it is to have potentially lost my life. I’m thankful for the people who love me and for the chance to love others and to live more ordinary Tuesdays.
What an extraordinary gift is love and life.

It hit me

“Lord, forgive me,” I repeated—cringing, wincing, expecting, even wanting a whooping.
And then it hit me—not as I was expecting, but ever so gently.
I sensed my Savior saying to me, “Child, I already have.”
My mantra shifted to “Lord, please change me. I need you. Make me more like you.”

Facing your faults is not an easy ordeal, especially the cherished little ones that fester under the surface. You can be completely oblivious to these most of the time, but they affect every move, every judgment, every comment you make.
Then when your inward griping turns outward and you’re suddenly found out, you see your whole series of judgmental thoughts, nasty words, and hidden resentments flash before your eyes.
Your pastor spoke about opening one’s eyes, and you have—though what you see is not pretty. You want to shut your eyes to the ugly side, open them to a more presentable subject, such as someone else’s flaws.
Yes, you easily tell your friends to have more grace for themselves, but you can’t possibly forgive yourself. Or can you?
"God what do you want me to do to make this better?” you ask. He challenges you not about what you should do, but who you should be—His child, accepted, redeemed, forgiven. Someone who wants to change not for self-righteous reasons, but because you've been touched by the most powerful force in the universe.
He is showing you how to embrace His grace, His love, and gently showing you your true nature as a desperate ragamuffin truly in need of Him.

It's starting to look like Christmas

The snow has fallen; Christmas parties, decorating, and shopping have begun.
Our company's holiday gathering was a joyful affair.
My roomie bought a real tree and and we decorated last night. These festivities make me feel happy and bright as I again begin to reflect on the reason for these celebrations.

Please pray for Steve

Saturday Nov. 25, my friend Steve Schmits was hiking with two other guys. Steve took a fall of about 25 ft straight off the edge of a rock outcropping and continued to tumble down over 100 ft to the road below. He suffered a skull fracture and a severely broken wrist.

During this unsure recovery time, please pray for him, his family, and the friends who were with him when it happened.

Steve's sister, Beth, has started a blog to keep everyone updated on his status.

Thanksgiving

This holiday was spent with my fabulous friend Katie.
Some highlights (certainly not all):
Soaking in the Glenwood Springs hot pool after a near-freezing bike ride in Alma, a walk around Aspen including visiting the John Denver (yes, I am a fan!) memorial (see song lyrics engraved on rocks). Lots of yummy food (see some of Katie's beautiful friends and family members). I fell in love at the Hotel Colorado (see dog by the fireplace). Biking Klondike Bluffs near Moab past sunset, getting back in the dark, being the only crazies out on the trail (see pre-dark sunset shadow). Conquering the intensely difficult Slickrock trail (see two worn-out riders). Hiking in Arches National Park for the second time this year (see lovely Katie candid near Delicate Arch). Crawling up the huge sand hill (see sand-leaking crocs). Running and jumping down (see happy bare feet). Gobbling up oh-so-good BeauJo's pizza and driving through cute Idaho Springs (what's that about "there's no f in way")?

A little boy made my day

Jake, the 6-year-old son of my boss, came to work with her today, since he doesn't have school. He made me a purple flower pin. When he gave it to me to stick on my jacket (with a piece of tape), he said, "I think you're pretty."
Oh, the beauty of a child's honesty and innocence.

Lessons from rest and roots

I took Friday off work to rest and take a spiritual retreat of sorts. I woke up with a nagging sense of guilt—feeling as though I could or should do something more “productive” with this day. As I sat down for my morning quiet time, God tenderly brought me to 1 John 3:20, NLT: “Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings and he knows everything.”
God knows how much I gain worth from accomplishment, from what I can do—for Him, for myself, for others.
To make good use of my day I thought I should go for a good long bike ride, and decided to explore Gold Camp Road. After driving more than an hour to get to the south part of town, then another half hour around the general vicinity back and forth, getting frustrated for knowing generally where I was going, but not really how to get there, I finally consulted the map in my glove compartment. Once I did that I easily navigated to my destination.
I realized how often my life is like this. I try to do everything on my own, just tough it out, keep forging relentlessly ahead. How much better would the journey be if I would stop to ask for directions from others or consult my guidebook (the Bible)?
However, my map did not show, and I did not remember, that Gold Camp Road is not a good place for road bikes. Windy, steep, narrow, shadowy—the perfect opportunity to get hit by a car—not really what I wanted, so I gave up that idea. Since I was parked right there, I decided to go for a little hike up around Helen Hunt Falls.
The water plummeting down the rocks glistened in the sunlight as it reflected off the ice crystals forming. The burbling of the water sounded like a thousand footsteps steadily running down the river. The quiet race slowed my steps as I ventured up the trail.
Soon I spotted an odd sight. Trees with naked roots hanging above the ground. (Picture to come). I thought this image profound, as I’ve been studying being “rooted and established in love” (Ephesians 3:17, NIV) this week.
The Greek word for rooted is “rhizoo” meaning “to be rooted, strengthened with roots, firmly fixed, constant.” The concept comes from a tree being as strong as its roots are deep. Though the soil around these trees was eroding, they could stand because their roots were well established.
This got me wondering how strong my roots are. Would I be blown over by the winds of difficulty? If I find safety and nourishment from accomplishments and achievement, what will happen when that’s blown away?
The top of my tree, my appearance, may look healthy and thriving, but the roots are the true indicator.
As I pondered how much I gain worth from what I do, I thought, “So what can I do to change that?” Hah! Don’t you get it yet? You’re asking what you can do to stop finding worth in what you do?
It’s not about you or what you can do. It’s about what God can do, and moreso who He is.
“Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is” (Ephesians 3:17-18, NLT).
The deeper we are rooted in God’s love, the less likely we are to fall. All other ground is eroding sand.

Wise advice from…Dove dark chocolate wrappers.

Laugh uncontrollably…it clears the mind.

Follow your instincts.

Sing along with the elevator music.

Smile at yourself in the mirror.

A more different kind of letting go

Some child psychologists say that power struggles happen with teenagers and parents so the adult will be more willing to usher the child “out of the nest” when the time comes. If the bond between the two was the same as when the child was an infant, the parent may never be able to let go.
I attended a funeral yesterday at a church filled with many white-haired people hobbling painfully in, probably pondering which one of them would be next to go.
I had a thought that God designs old age, pain, and disease so we’re more willing to let go of this life and be ushered into the next. Certainly, he doesn’t only take the elderly to be with Him in heaven—or the troubled and diseased. A couple weeks ago He took a 29 year-old who died of a mysterious and unexpected heart attack. The man left a wife and child, and one more on the way. Soldiers die in battle every day. I suppose pain and suffering make us more willing to go, but we should be ready whenever it may happen to us. And we should be ready to lose any number of people in our life. If there’s anything left unsaid, say it now—for tomorrow may be too late.
Since this is already quite a sobering post, I’ll leave you with a leaving poem.

What’s Left

Fingerprints on the TV screen.
She’d give back all the shows,
to hold his hand again.

Fingerprints on the computer monitor,
jealous he touched it so much.

Fingerprints on the mirror,
memory staring back at her.

Fingerprints on the doorknob,
on his way out.

Starbucks spreads cheer

Starbucks is planning acts of kindness more than providing caffeinated beverages. Advertising Age reports the coffee giant is handing out freebies like MetroCards for Manhattan commuters and lift tickets in Denver, but these altruistic acts serve a viral marketing purpose. Each recipient also is given a numbered "cheer pass" card and encouraged to do a good deed for someone else. Starbucks then wants the doers of good deeds to log on to the coffee giant's ItsRedAgain.com site to list their positive act, as well as check out holiday promotions and gift ideas.
In my opinion, the site is both funny and dorky. Traditions and cheer are excellent things to spread this holiday season. However, without the true meaning of Christmas, it completely misses the point.

Letting Go

“If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others. We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with the past when what we should do is let go. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, guilt is an idol. But when we dare to live as forgiven men and women, we join the wounded healers and draw closer to Jesus.”

–Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child

Gas-mask wearing "fun"

Thank you, Mr. President

Saturday, November 3 I got to meet President George W. Bush!
He was in Colorado to support the Republican candidate for governor, and stopped by Buckley Air Force Base to thank his troops. The President shook my hand, looked me in the eye, and said, "Thank you for serving." I replied, "Thank you, Mr. President."
Regardless of what one thinks of his politics, it's still an absolute honor to meet the Commander in Chief. At the same time, he is just a human, just like any leader. What I most look forward to is meeting my ultimate Big Boss, God, in heaven.

What's your price?

A man at a bar sees a woman he finds attractive introduces himself and buys her a few drinks. Once he’s mustered up enough courage, he asks her, “Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?” After thinking for a few moments, she says, “Sure.” He then asks, “Would you sleep with me for a dollar?” She snaps back, “What kind of woman do you think I am?” He replies, “We’ve already determined that—now we’re just discussing the price.”
Is there a price at which you can be bought? If so, the enemy will find it.
In her insightful post, “Hindsight: Esau's tips on hunger control” Katie says, “We do have a nasty deceiver that is ever so glad to suggest that we trade our inheritance as children of God for a bag of cheetos to tide us over until dinner. He wants us to trade our birthright of purity and true love for a single moment of sexual fulfillment…He wants us to trade a body free from addictions for a cocktail of relief.”
Here’s a modern-day temptation story: While serving God faithfully as a single for many years—experiencing long draughts without being pursued or feeling valued and/or loved, then encountering multiple dating disasters, she felt lonely.
The devil came to her and said, “If you are a daughter of God, go find a husband for yourself. Do whatever you can to win the most impressionable man available. Stop everything to complete this one task.”
She answered, “It is written, ‘Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of Hosts is His name.’” Then the devil showed her in a moment all the grandeur of the rich and famous and said, “If you worship me, this shall al be yours.”
She replied, “A person’s life doesn’t consist in the abundance of her possessions.” Then the evil one whipped out one of his best quips and offered her all the beauty and glamour of a thousand models, the attention of males and females alike—if she would only give in for him. If she would struggle and strive and grab, he would give her everything she ever wanted. He sneered, “ After all, it is written, ‘Be strong and courageous.’”
And yet she stood her ground and offered, “It is said, ‘Not by might, nor by power but by my Spirit says the Lord.’”
And when the devil ended these temptations he departed from her until an opportune time.

Thoughts on hypocrisy

Ted Haggard has admitted he bought methamphetamine, but said he didn't use it, and only received a massage from the alleging prostitute, a Denver man by the name of Mike Jones.

Art Toalston, the editor of Baptist Press, reported that Jones public with the allegations because it was “the moral thing in my mind, and that is expose someone who is preaching one thing and doing the opposite behind everybody’s back.”

Toalston continues: No doubt, there are hypocrites, imperfect people and even addicts of all kinds within the Christian community. To their credit, however, these individuals have the courage to embrace a faith that challenges their sin and seeks to redeem their lives.

Sadly, people outside the faith have no such resource. Hypocrites, imperfect people and addicts who lack the transforming dynamic of Christian faith have only the frailty of human will upon which to build lives of integrity. Followers of Jesus Christ, through the Holy Spirit, gain a new foothold for battling the dark facets of their humanity.

Rarely are addictions to various forms of depravity easily broken. A relationship with Jesus always will prove to be an uplifting, precious addition to a believer’s life, and some believers may see their weaknesses and addictions quickly fall away. But, for others, struggles with the inner churnings of sin may continue to exist after they have turned to Jesus for salvation. Some believers may find that their earlier addictions remain ever-ready to erupt. It may be months or years before all of their sinful habits and inclinations are eradicated.

And so, it is entirely possible for a believer to be what the world calls a “hypocrite,” to believe with all of his or her heart that such-and-such a behavior is sinful yet, in a weak moment, commit that sin.

In the interim, the communion with Jesus increasingly becomes a desperately needed place of refuge after each defeat. The believer cries out to God, placing the entirety of his or her life under the Lord’s forgiveness as promised in Scripture. “If we confess our sins,” as 1 John 1:9 notes, “he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” The believer knows that sooner or later, “... you may be sure that your sin will find you out,” as Moses declared to the Israelites long ago, as Scripture recounts in Numbers 32:23.

When that moment of truth and tumult finally comes, the believer’s faith in Jesus will provide the grace and fortitude to face even public embarrassment or great personal loss if, ultimately, such tragedy is required in order to attain a long-yearned-for, more complete life of purity with God.An accusatory type of guilt often sweeps over believers throughout these struggles.

Whether quietly nagging at their souls or aggressively pounding against their minds and even their bodies, the guilt seems to have a demonic energy, demanding an answer to such taunts as “You’re despicable. How can someone like you call yourself a Christian?”

This guilt is not confined to Christians. Open-hearted nonbelievers likewise are beaten down after various episodes of sin by the roar of such taunts as “You’re a hopeless mess. How can someone like you ever think of knowing God?”

Sadly, we greatly underestimate God’s forgiveness, refashioning His grace into something on the level of our humanity. We who have found new birth fail to live in all its glorious dimensions. For non-Christians, this can be especially tragic if the taunts cut short their quest for faith, derailing their dreams of a new birth and a rescue from the despair of godlessness.

Teachings about forgiveness, however, abound in Scripture. God’s forgiveness is best experienced when taken at its face value from Scripture. Just as the new birth supernaturally gives people a totally new start in life, so God’s forgiveness supernaturally provides that same new start each time His followers realize they have acted wrongly and, turning anew to Him in prayer, ask for His forgiveness.

By God’s supernatural grace, we gain the opportunity to become as fresh as the first day He entered our lives, poised to venture forth again in ever-more-rejuvenating faith.

Haggard steps down

The Associated Press reported Ted Haggard resigned as head of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals and also gave up leadership of his New Life Church pending the investigation into allegations he paid a man for sex for the past three years and used drugs.
Read the story here.
Ross Parsley, the acting senior pastor at New Life, has been quoted in news reports saying, “I just know that there has been some admission of indiscretion, not admission to all of the material that has been discussed.”
This story makes me so sad on many levels. If the accusations are true—to discover an evangelical leader living in sin is disheartening. It’s not surprising to discover a shortcoming, since we are all sinners. But to be living a life of habitual undisclosed wrongdoing is particularly troublesome. This opens up a huge discussion about how the faults of Christian leaders turn nonbelievers away from Christ.
If the accusations are not true—I’m angered by the quickness of which people will drag a man’s reputation in the mud in order to support a political agenda or to increase media ratings. This news will undoubtedly have significant ramifications for the church and the coming election. Please keep this situation in prayer as it develops.

Blizzard!

Yesterday’s blizzard dumped more than a foot of snow on Colorado Springs, closing schools, businesses, and interstates. The snow started falling around 4 a.m., and many didn’t believe the forecasted storm would actually materialize.
Personally, I was elated to see a winter wonderland outside my window when I woke up. I spent the day reading, writing, practicing the harmonica, then the evening playing with friends. We went sledding, then roasted bratwurst and s’mores, and played cards.
Today, after a delayed start, I'm back at work. Here's the view from our break room. Looks like half a double-stuffed oreo! Now it's sunny and 50+ degrees. Crazy Colorado weather--I love it!

Go forth, and conquer!

Do you tend to avoid doing things you don’t think you’re good at?

Is there something you’ve wanted to learn or do, but haven’t because you don’t think you have an innate gift for it?

I tend to dislike doing activities in which I don’t exceed, but I must realize that in order to get good at something, one must first do that thing—over and over and over again.

“Research has shown that self-discipline and practice play a larger part in academic success than talent,” I recently read.

Music is not my gift or talent, but I’ve decided to learn the harmonica. I’ve always wanted to play an instrument—especially one that’s portable that can be shared next to a campfire, for example.

Adults face these obstacles to learning something new:
1. they don’t have much time to devote to a new activity
2. they’re often tired
3. they have a lot of naysayers or lack of support in their lives

Which is most likely to stop you? How can you overcome those obstacles?
For me it’s time. I can likely overcome a perceived lack of time by making a priority out of learning this new skill, setting reachable goals (practice 20 minutes twice a week) and having someone to hold me accountable to it.

What do you want to learn/do/play/acquire? What’s holding you back?

Toe update

Thanks for the concern over my silly little toe. I don’t think it’s broken. Up to this point, I’ve never broken a bone (knock on wood and pray for more grace), so I’m not really sure what it would feel like. If broken, I don’t think I would’ve been able to:
1. square dance on Friday
2. hike The Incline Saturday
3. swing dance on Sunday
I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity and an able body to do these activities. Recently witnessing a car accident and a could’ve-been-fatal “climbing” accident make me realize how fragile life and mobility are.
Let’s not take it for granted!

Oops! At least it’s a good story.

OK, so it was not the wisest decision, but it ended up being fun. Heading toward Boulder in snowstorm for a concert didn’t work out so well with interstate blockages and such. But thankfully Brianne and her parents are wonderful hosts and let us use their hot-tub and swim suits. Rolling around in slippery snow and stepping back into the water didn’t prove wise for me either, as I somehow bruised and battered my toe to the point of possible breakage. I feel silly, but probably not as bad as this guy, who gave Picasso's dream the elbow.

Reuters reports (Handout photo, left): Picasso's famed "Dream" painting turned into a nightmare for Las Vegas casino magnate Steve Wynn when he accidentally gave the multimillion-dollar canvas an elbow.
Wynn had just finalized a $139 million sale to another collector of his painting, called "Le Reve" (The Dream), when he poked a finger-sized hole in the artwork while showing it to friends at his Las Vegas office a couple of weeks ago.
Director and screenwriter Nora Ephron, who witnessed and related the incident in her blog on the Huffington Post Web site (www.huffingtonpost.com), said Wynn had raised his hand to show the group something about Picasso's 1932 portrait of his mistress Marie-Therese Walter.
"At that moment, his elbow crashed backward right through the canvas. There was a terrible noise," Ephron wrote, noting that Wynn has retinitis pigmentosa, an eye disease that damages peripheral vision.
"Smack in the middle ... was a black hole the size of a silver dollar. 'Oh s---,' he said. 'Look what I've done. Thank goodness it was me.'"
Wynn's office on Tuesday confirmed the story, an account of which also appeared in this week's The New Yorker. Both accounts said Wynn had decided to release the buyer from the sale agreement and to repair and keep the painting himself.
Wynn, a millionaire casino developer and art collector, developed The Mirage and Bellagio resorts in Las Vegas in the 1990s, which spearheaded a profusion of luxury hotels and casinos on the once-seedy Las Vegas Strip.

It’s not over, but the asking…

The non-commissioned officer in charge of my military unit stood over me clapping my shoulder taunting “traitor, traitor, traitor.”

I looked down and tried to fight them back, but couldn’t stop the tears racing out of my eyes, making everyone in the office including my supervisor and coworkers squirm in their seats. He immediately apologized and said he was only joking because they’d be sorry to lose me.

Proceeding to attempt coherence through sobs, I told him how much his comment made me feel devalued as a person and even though I’ll be moving to the Public Affairs office, we’re still on the same team. What upset me most was that I’m trying to serve my country to the best of my ability, and this move will allow me to use my skills, rather than sit around and stick labels on tapes all day (once a month), or shred and file papers—however necessary those tasks may be.

The man did not know how little sleep I’d had, that I was moody already and sad to be leaving the people and camaraderie I’ve gotten to know in the past three years. But when a person is not laughing at your “joke,” perhaps a cease-fire is more appropriate than an all-out attack.

Despite this little ordeal, I felt overwhelmed with thankfulness. God has answered my prayer. I joined the National Guard and went to boot camp in September, 2003 and to tech school in Biloxi, MS, to be trained in information management—willing to wait for a public affairs position to open up.

Well, it finally happened! I must admit, I had my doubts. But what a good exercise in trying to discover contentment and make a difference wherever you’re at. Transition is never as tidy as I’d like, but I find a calmer feeling from the bottom of my boots to the top of my BDU cap rediscovering God has me securely in His hands.

Wing, promise, blossom.

I will not die an unlived life.

I will not live in fearof falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days,

to allow my living to open me,

to make me less afraid,

more accessible,

to loosen my heart

until it becomes a wing,

a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance,

to live so that which came to me as seed

goes to the next as blossom,

and that which came to me as blossom,

goes on as fruit.

--Dawna Markova

Between the Rock and an empty place.

This weekend as I attended a concert with friends, (Brandon Heath, Bebo Norman, Aaron Shust pictured) loitered outside the Olive Garden parking lot chatting past midnight, climbed rocks, rode bikes, mingled at a housewarming party, etc…I became aware that this single life really is quite fun. I usually can do what I want when I want and enjoy my friendships and situation in life. But then I attend a wedding, and as elated I am for this wonderful couple, I still fight feelings of jealousy, even anger at God that He doesn’t allow good marriages for everyone who desires that. Just between you and me, the older I get the harder it is for me to accept being single. God has placed some amazing guys in my life—for a reason and for a season—for now, I just keep climbing, and writing silly little poems.

Between the Rock and an empty place.
The Rock is where I know I can find solid ground;
the empty place is where I step off and fall.
The Rock is where I find steadiness,
the empty place, no footing at all.
The Rock holds me firm, knowing all will turn out for the best,
the wind whispers through the empty place
“You must take control and never rest.”
I’m stuck right in between the Rock and the empty place,
gripping for life. I keep climbing, trying for a steady pace,
wondering if I’ll ever reach the top,
hoping I don’t get dropped.
The Rock never changes;
the empty place looms larger
if I take my eyes off the Way.
Longing for someone to join me on this route,
the Rock remains without a doubt.

My imaginary best friend

Last night at writing group my assignment was to: Create your imaginary best friend. Looks, likes and dislikes, agreements, disagreements, etc…So, in the five minutes or so, here’s what I came up with:
My imaginary best friend is tall, dark, and handsome. No really, I’m kidding.
His zodiac sign is Aquarius, like mine. Kidding again. Ha. Ha.
He’d be funnier than me. Yes, I did say he. He’s a he because he’s imaginary.
His likes and dislikes? He likes me! And I like him. That’s why we’re friends.
What else does he like, you ask?
Like, he totally likes words, and uses them better than me.
He likes to stitch—that is put me in stitches, and to stitch words together. Yes, he’s a writer and a fighter. Not one of those wimpy dudes who sits around with his thoughts all day. But he has such great thoughts, I wouldn’t mind sitting with them for a long, long time.
And time. He uses it well.
And well. He is well—healthy that is.
And is, he is. He just is. He’s not so busy doing that he can’t be.
And bees—he’s not afraid of them.
But I digress. [That’s for you poetic pudmuddle!]
He loves the outdoors and nature and adventure. He gets muddy with his buddies, then cleans up real nice. He’s courageous, even not afraid of the arts (can we say dancing?) and culture.
We agree on everything of course. Not actually, but we can talk about disagreements and be reasonable, rational adults.
Yes, he’s an adult—a real man, not just one of those little boys in a big guy’s body.
And he’s MY best friend (in my imagination).


Honestly, my real best friends are honest. They struggle; they’re real. They’re beautiful because they love Jesus and follow hard after Him. They know how to have fun and make me laugh. They even laugh at me. Yet, they can be serious and deep. These are the people I can take long walks with and share soul secrets in confidence. And after spending time with them I feel better because of it, like God was glorified from our mouths to our feet. I give the Lord praise for these authentic friendships, a treasure He’s bestowed indeed!

Don’t Get Comfortable

Nashville native Brandon Heath also grew up steeped in the music world. He began playing guitar and writing songs as a 13-year-old. “Music, for me, has always been about the songwriting,” Heath says. “My plan, as a songwriter, was to write the songs and have someone else perform them; little did I know that was not God’s plan.”
Christian music remained foreign to Heath until high school when he met Jesus through youth outreach organization Young Life, which later allowed him to share his faith and music at camps and retreats.
Though Don’t Get Comfortable is Heath’s major-label debut, he already has substantial musical accomplishments under his belt, including songs written for artists such as Joy Williams and Bebo Norman. He’s touring this fall with Norman and Aaron Shust. (In Colorado Springs Friday!)
His radio single “Our God Reigns” has been topping charts, and he shows no signs of slowing down. Making himself accessible to fans, Heath put his cell phone number in the CD packaging for fans to call and tell him what they think of the record. He will return one call a week for the first six months of the album release.
And even though Heath keeps company with some of the biggest names in the business, like producer friend Dan Muckala (Backstreet Boys, The Afters), he remains grounded. Heath’s heart for missions and those living in poverty has taken him to India and Ecuador. A few years ago, he and his roommates moved to a lower-income neighborhood in Nashville to be intentional about creating a missional community unlike the one in which they were raised.
Heath makes a point to live what he sings in Don’t Get Comfortable. And he wears cool hats when he doesn't care about his hair. :-)
Here's a picture of me and my roomie and him in Denver at ICRS. One of his roommates is fellow singer/songwriter Matt Wertz.
We talked about collaborating on a book tentatively titled "Rules for Roomies."
Rule #1--Don't wear matching outfits at the same time unless it's required.

Road trip!

Wow, what a whirlwind, wonderful trip! Three days, five people, three national parks, one vehicle, lots of laughs, more memories than I can remark on here. Here's a photo sampling.










First stop: Great Sand Dunes National Park.

Coloradwow!

When on a road trip, one must visit unusual (more different) diners.

It's Grand--like a canyon!

Spoon anyone?

There's nothing like brats and s'mores cooked on a campfire--with a huge branch growing out of it.

Waking up at sunrise--one of the best accidents that happened.

Four Corners: taking a quick break from the long sit.

New music today

Switchfoot fans, here it comes.

Sparrow Records/Columbia Records will release Oh! Gravity., the eagerly-awaited sixth studio album from the multi-platinum-selling San Diego-based rock band on December 26.

In anticipation of the release, Switchfoot will hit the road for an extensive U.S. fall tour, including a stop at Denver's Ogden Theatre Oct. 23. A first peek at new album material with the song “Dirty Second Hands” is available on iTunes starting today.

Also hitting iTunes (and stores) today is sixstepsrecords/Sparrow Records’ lead-worshiper Chris Tomlin’s fourth studio album, See The Morning, Check out the album’s e-card at http://www.seethemorning.com/ for samples of the music, a slide show, tour itinerary and more.
Good stuff!

Shelters—update on lessons from the stye

Yes, the stye is gone. And I’m even following my own advice by making an intentional effort to spend time attending to what’s going on inside and do what makes me come alive.

I said “no” to teaching yoga and starting massage therapy classes in January. Though it saddens me not to be starting something new, I’m excited to embark on the adventures that await.

Last night our pastor taught from Luke 9:28-33. He built a blanket fort and compared it to the church. He asked, “Are we withdrawing, seeking shelter from the world, rather than seeking ways to redeem it?”

Interestingly, the same morning in my Beth Moore Breaking Free Bible study, she emphasized, “When opressed, the children of God have a tendency to prepare shelters for themselves rather than do what liberty demands. These shelters can easily turn into strongholds.”

I don't know if I explained the connection very well--but it made sense to me. It's funny how God will emphasize a point in several ways in one day--just to make sure we're paying attention.

I no longer want to shelter myself with busyness or pride in various accomplishments.
I want to use my uniqueness to make a big deal of God (see next post).

Use YOUR uniqueness

My wonderful mother flew to Colorado to visit me and attend the Women of Faith conference. Besides my time with her, some highlights for me:

Lisa Smith brought tears flowing from my eyes that not any of the polished speakers or singers could evoke. A beautiful girl with Down Syndrome signing during Sandi Patty’s performance. Such passion, gusto, and grace Lisa displayed as her hands flickered and twirled. Head thrown back and body swaying, worshiping with child-like reckless abandon. It amazes me how God uses the weak to shame the strong.

Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God." --1 Corinthians 1:26-31 (The Message)

Max Lucado’s main message: “Use your uniqueness to make a big deal out of God every day of your life.”

Lisa perfectly displayed using one’s uniqueness to make a big deal of God. No credentials or bio in the program, she didn’t need to try to impress anyone—yet she brought nearly all the 17,000 attendees to their feet. Her sweet joyful spirit impressed upon my heart that it’s not those who are perfect that can be used by God. I’ve never seen such poetry moving from hand to hand. No pretenses, no performance, just praise!

Sad Starbucks and spinach news

Sadly, effective Oct. 3, Starbucks is set to raise beverage prices by five cents.
Starbucks spokeswoman Valerie O'Neil said that rising business costs, including health care and raw ingredients, prompted the price increase.
O please, don’t they make enough off a $5 latte? In even sadder news, I will still be purchasing my pumpkin spice lattes there.
The saddest news of all: U.S. restaurant chains removed spinach from their menus last week after the leafy green vegetable was linked to more than 100 cases of E. coli. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration warned consumers not to eat fresh spinach until further notice. The vegetable was linked to 109 cases of E. coli infection in 19 states, including one Wisconsin adult’s death.
However, spinach-hating children everywhere rejoice. “Mommy, I told you spinach can kill you!” Those of us who actually like the raw leafy-green delight mourn its demise.

Hiking Pikes Peak

It was a blast—literally, mixed in with miserably cold and memorable.

Though this was my third time hiking to the summit, I’d never trekked up the back side, and never tackled it with blasting winds and frigid temps--all this after only FOUR hours of sleep.
Please read Katie’s excellent account of our adventure.

Like her, I felt tempted to focus on how cold and miserable I felt. Can you see in the picture I look like I’m going to cry?

And I did my share of feeling sorry for myself and my friends. But when I realized that pity wouldn’t make us feel any better, I chose to be thankful. One of the things I was most thankful for was the promise of a hot bath when I got home. I knew without doubt that rest would come.
Though I couldn’t change my painful circumstances in the moment I could find joy in the journey.

Ever tried Diet Coke and Mentos?

Mix together and you have a fun explosion. Check out www.eepybird.com for an extreme experiment video!

What is it about reading a book?

What is it about reading a book in a bookstore that makes it so much more captivating?
I dare not buy one lest I take it home and set it on my night stand with the piles of others waiting to be finished. Sure they’re attended to occasionally, but usually as I’m falling asleep or distracted. But I can think of few indoor stationary activities that revive my soul and inspire my spirit more than ingesting the contents of a bookstore.

I turn first to magazines to warm up my page-flipping fingers and truth-searching eyes. Then meandering for deeper longer-lasting meaning, I wander to the book rows. I settle down on a sofa chair with a stack in my lap. I can sit for hours, absorbed as I sink into the chair and deeper into a good volume. I typically trust myself to take nonfiction works off the shelves. It’s what I find closest, most applicable to my life. But perhaps I don’t stay long enough. I let my eyes skip over pages trying to find the truth in short snippets or snapshots.

Regardless, I’ve come to a connection with the author, this world, and find a place that reflects an otherworld where time goes by unnoticed, where forever isn’t long enough.

Telluride pics

Desert vs. Mountain

The desert has much to teach—lessons of bareness and brokenness. But in the mountains beauty flows forth from flowers and foliage all around. From a waterfall through rivers, vigorous life-giving water flows freely. In the desert there’s little moisture. Where there’s green you stop to pay attention to it. You notice more of the dead details—rocks, driftwood, dust. The dryness allows you, prompts you to call out for help. You would not linger long lest you be burnt by looming sun. Whereas a mountain’s shadow invites rest or conquest.
I’m thankful for seasons—whether it’s dry like the desert or lush like the mountains, He’s still present, still active.
I felt like this trip brought me full circle. Last year I visited Moab with my parents, a wonderful time of exploration and connection. Since then God has brought me from the desert to a green valley, up on a mountain, and back.
He brought me blessings to make my heart sing and trials to make my character stronger. This trip with friends Jenny and Kjersten revealed how much I’ve been blessed.

Moab pics