Temporarily Out of Order

For those of you who are still checking back with me, this blog-machine will be out of order until after the New Year.
And it's not because I'm out having fun. Well, ocassionally I will be (pic of latest diversion below), but I'm also working very hard. It's 8:30 and I'm still at work, after all.

The intersection

I like guys; I really do (actually I prefer to like one boy rather than multiple ones at one time). But they’re so much trouble!
We both had a great time this weekend—which is why I’ve been having a hard time eating, a really hard time sleeping.
I just keep wondering what's going to happen at
the intersection of me and him.
Is God giving me the green light to move toward a relationship?
What happens if I go, but get in a crash?
How do I keep from speeding, yet go quickly enough not to block up traffic?
Yet, I know I can’t enjoy the journey when I’m so concerned about the destination (happily ever after).
I have to accept that I will never know what’s at the end of the road.
That’s why (one of many reasons) I need God.
I ask Jesus to take the wheel.
I want to surrender this journey and each new turn to Him.
Show me the path where I should go, O Lord; point out the right road for me.
–Psalm 25:4 TLB

Ok, so I'm a show-off. It's me and Rebecca St James!

Hair Strikes Again

What is it with this hair lately?

Every time I dye it something funky happens in my life.
Let me explain. The sun is shining, and it’s a happy day.I finally made myself a hair appointment for a cut and color, rather than wrecking it myself, as I’ve done many a time in the past.

I’m supposed to meet a new guy today (although that’s not the reason I made an appointment). A coworker is bringing over someone she’s wanted to set me up with for over a year. So this hair better look good.

In all my anticipation and excitement to go to the hairdresser (or maybe just because I’m running late and everyone exceeds the speed limit on this road), I start speeding eagerly along.

I’m singing along to my music, and then I see him.
The merry motorcycle cop. “Oh, blank. I’m going 60. ”

He pulls me over, tells me he clocked me at 55 in a 40 zone and hands me a $150 ticket and says (very nicely, actually), “I hope the rest of your day goes better.”

So essentially I spent $235 and 3 hours for my hair today.

(Disclaimer: I’m really not complaining, nor do I really believe bad stuff happens because of bad hair days).

And by the way, the hair turned out fine, as did the meeting with the boy.

Restored Tour

Jeremy Camp released Live Unplugged (BEC/EMI-CMG) Nov. 8 while touring to promote his current CD, Restored. His song "Open Up Your Eyes” is on the Chronicles of Narnia “Inspired By” soundtrack. See http://www.jeremycamp.com/

Bethany Dillon’s song "Dreamer" from her sophomore album Imagination is featured in the film Dreamer, which opened Oct. 21. Her song, “Hero” is also on the Narnia soundtrack.
See http://www.bethanydillon.com/

The Afters won an mtvU Award for their video “Beautiful Love.” The awards show will air on mtvU and mtvU.com Nov. 9. See http://www.theafters.com/

I'm trying to quit complaining cold turkey for Thanksgiving

I know someone who complains a lot.
I'm not saying this to criticize,
but to thank her for making me realize just how much I too am a complainer.
“I’m so tired.” “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” “I don’t want to go to work tomorrow.”
Neither of us should be complaining.
We have SO much to be thankful for.
The fact that we have a job to drag ourselves to on a Monday
should make us slide our butts off our comfortable chairs
and onto our knees thanking God.
Have you ever known what it's like to be jobless, homeless, peniless?
To want to work, but no one would hire you?
To be too sick to work?
Or disabled?
I have not.
Have you ever wondered how those who are suffering intensely
can be the most grace-filled, thankful people?
They realize there’s more to life than an extra-hot foamy latte and perfect weather.
There’s even more to life than decent health, meaningful friendships, and thriving families (although those are wonderful things).
I've been feeling sorry for myself for far too long--for reasons that are so petty.
And I want to quit complaining.
Of course there's always room for honesty about how we're feeling.
But what would it look like if a complaint were always coupled with thanksgiving?
That's what I want to do--give thanks for the countless blessings God's given.
And isn't that what our November holiday is all about?
May we remember to thank God not only this month,
but every day of every year for the rest of our short, unpredictable, glorious lives.

Switchfoot Concert

Saw Switchfoot in concert at the Ogden Theater in Denver on Tuesday.

Eisley opened for them, much to my delight, as I've been enjoying their album, Room Noises.

Switchfoot set list:
Lonely Nation (Nothing Is Sound album, NIS)
Ammunition (Beautiful Letdown album, BL)
Dare You to Move (BL)
More than Fine (BL)
Company Car
(by request from New Way to Be Human album)
On Fire (BL)
Easier Than Love (NIS)
This Is Your Life (BL)
Happy Is a Yuppy Word (NIS)
Gone (BL)
Politicians (NIS)
Twenty-Four (BL)
The Shadow Proves the Sunshine (NIS)
Meant to Live (BL)
Stars (NIS)
We Are One Tonight (NIS)

Broken Cups

I’ve been enjoying the posts from Ragamuffin Diva. (http://ragamuffindiva.blogspot.com/) She says what I know to be true, but I haven’t been able to express so eloquently.

“We say we are filled with the Holy Spirit, but not FULL of the Holy Spirit. Do you think it means the same thing being filled and being full? It seems different, doesn't it. When I think of being filled, it seems like it's a process, but being full seems a little more final to me. I don't know about you, but I'll take either, however, if I had a choice in the matter, I think I'd rather be FULL of the Holy Spirit…I don't feel Full, and it's good to be honest about that…Maybe God doesn't really want us to be Full this side of Heaven. Maybe, it's best that we are being filled, so that we continue to abide in the Vine. So that we keep our empty tin cups that are our bodies before him. I don't know.”

Yes, we are cups. We can continually allow ourselves to be poured into, but we are broken vessels. We have little holes all over. We can be filled, but never be completely full.

Pay attention

Thank God! Pray to him by name! Tell everyone what he has done!…Keep your eyes open for God, watch for his works; be alert for signs of his presence.
–Psalm 105, The Message

If we have the same Holy Spirit as the apostles, why we don’t see or experience miracles like they did? Acts 2:43 says, “Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.” Maybe we just aren’t paying attention enough to notice how God is working today. Maybe we have lost our ability to drop our jaws in awe.

The trees outside my window glow with a bright red center, and turn orange radiating outward to the edges—like a fire, like a burning bush. I wonder if these trees look anything like the burning bush Moses saw. Are there “burning” bushes all around us and we don’t recognize or appreciate them?

Rabbi Kushner said, "The burning bush was not a miracle. It was a test. God wanted to find out whether or not Moses could pay attention to something for more than a few minutes. When Moses did, God spoke. The trick is to pay attention to what is going on around you long enough to behold the miracle without falling asleep. There is another world, right here within this one if we only pay attention."

Neighborhood Watch

Remember my neighbor, whom I accused of being a stalker?
We’ll call him Sam.
Yesterday morning Sam is down at his car, getting in it as I approach down the stairs.
“Good morning, nice suit,” he says.
“Hi, nice tie,” I say.
“Have a good day.”
“Ok, you too.”
The end. Ok, well not really.
Later that night, a loud knock on the door.
Roommate is in room talking on phone.
I see him standing outside with a measuring cup in hand. I let him in.
He wants to borrow some sugar—for coffee.
We have a nice, normal casual conversation, but who actually borrows sugar anymore?
Although a tad cliché, I admire the guy for his efforts.
After all, they give me a story to tell.
But now he’s moving elsewhere in the complex to a bigger apartment.
I think I might actually miss Sam the Stalker.

Worship through biking, and singing

What a glorious weekend.
Mountain biking in Palmer Park with buddies—an answered prayer to ride with fun friends.
I love this place.
As Jaime Fangio’s posted on her blog: “To describe the beauty of Colorado Springs and the Pikes Peak region bankrupts the English language.” --Theodore Roosevelt
The English language is also not helping me describe how much I enjoyed the Shane & Shane and David Crowder Band concert.
I’m not usually a huge fan of concerts. (I confess, I left Michael W. Smith’s concert after only a few songs). The blasting-loud music and sensory overload are often too much for me.
But this one felt more like church. It helped that it was IN a church, but regardless of the location, four walls could not have constained the worship resonating from the hearts and mouths of those present. Amazing!

Hair pics

First of all, since pics of the hair have been requested, I’ll deliver.
That’s roomie on the left, and the one with the red-ish, orange-ish hair, that’s me. It doesn’t look as bad as formerly described because it’s starting to wash out. Phew!

Shark hunting

I’ve been pondering why it scares me to post on this blog. Am I scared to be real.? Maybe I’m just afraid to be known. If people know what I really think, how I really feel, will they still like me? That’s why I tried to keep my journals secret when I was younger (and still do keep a personal, private journal—not everything is meant to be voiced publicly). But will there ever be complete freedom to be myself and not care what others think? I suppose it’s good to a certain extent to please other people, but I want to care most about pleasing my King.
As I ran 7.5 miles on Sunday I thought about DCB’s song, “There is No One Like You.” Just like there is no God like ours, there is no one else like you, or me. I used to think it prideful to say something like, “There is no one like me.” I’m starting to see how that statement honors our Creator. He made each human unique. We are created in His image, so creatively and beautifully it’s hard to fathom.
I wonder if other people naturally grasp this concept, or if I have a particularly hard time understanding that God could love me—even like me—when there are so many other great people in the world who probably deserve it more.

I know a few of you out there who struggle with the same thing, so I want to encourage you, as a wise and thoughtful person reminded me last week—You are one of a kind, and that is reason to celebrate!
Part of my problem is comparing myself to everyone else, and wanting to be anyone but me. Jealousy is being angry at someone for having more of your idol than you do. Jealousy is also a shark.

Jealousy

The shark, the shark
It lurks in the dark.
Beware its bite,
For it won’t warn you with a bark.
The shark, the shark
It swims alone.
To eat you whole, flesh and bone.
© Carrie

Anyone want to go shark hunting?

I'm a pumpkin head and it's all my neighbor's fault

I died my hair because my new neighbor turns out to be a stalker.
Well, I don't know if he's really stalking me and my roommate, but every time either of us comes out the door he opens up his door and casually acts like he’s going somewhere. He’ll walk around playing with his cell phone, or stroll down to his car, but then go back upstairs. Weird, I tell you. He’s a really nice guy (and attractive too), but he’s a traveling motivational speaker and comes off a bit slick and contrived, like a car salesman. Maybe he’s just trying to make conversation. Coworker Anna said, “he’s just trying to get to know you two because you’re hot.” So dying my hair really has nothing to do with my neighbor. I just need to blame it on someone.
I’m just wondering what part of the color “iced coffee” means ORANGE. I guess pumpkin spice latte (yum!) would be a nice-sounding hair color, but I was going for the more natural brunette look. I should’ve smelled trouble when I went to the store and the clerk couldn’t give me any details about products because they have too many customers complain that the color didn’t turn out right. And I suppose I should’ve heeded the warning, “not recommended for lightened hair.” But I’m blonde! How can they expect me to interpret “not for lightened hair” to mean, “don’t use this if you’re blonde”? The redeeming value is it’s supposed to wash out in 8-10 shampoos. Although, the clerk did say it may NOT wash out.
Guess I should’ve listened, but it’s really all my neighbor’s fault. Maybe he won’t think I’m cute as an orange-head. At least my pumpkin-colored hair makes me seem festive and in-season. Perhaps for Christmas I’ll try red—or green. Just kidding mom! Will you please remind me why you said not to talk to strangers?

Matthew 16

My devotional times in the mornings usually include reading Scripture and then reflecting on it, usually through prayer. I’m reading through the Psalms and the Gospels. Here’s a little peak:

Matthew 16 (The Message)
18And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are… 19You will have complete and free access to God's kingdom, keys to open any and every door: no more barriers between heaven and earth, earth and heaven.

Last night J.R. (pastor of Pierced Chapel, http://www.piercedchapel.com, where I am part of the church) said each Jesus-follower is a priest.
Thank you Lord that I have complete and free access to you, which gives an indescribable freedom. Thank you that I can talk to you, and more so, that you speak to me (when I’m willing and able to listen.) May I take my position as a priest seriously, believing that I have an influence and that others are watching. And yet, may I know that this job is not mine to do alone.

As Matthew 16 continues,
24Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. 25Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.

God, in our self-serving culture, it’s difficult to know what this means and how it looks. Thank you that Jesus displayed it undeniably. I need His and Your help. Please guide me to Your way. May I let you drive. I trust where you’re taking me. I don’t want to play back-seat driver and try to give you directions on where I think my life should go. I know you know best. Please help me give up control. I lay myself on the altar as a living sacrifice. The problem is I have a tendency to daily crawl off the altar and get distracted. Please remind me to die daily to myself. The implications for me will be that I don’t do what I want to do, just because I think it will make me feel good. –Amen

Later in the day a sentence kept running through my head (and I think it relates very well to above verses):
JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD.
A friend is considering a very high-responsibility job offer. I’m trying to put myself in her shoes to be able to give advice. It’s tough, because I know she could do it. It would be a big step in her career, but if she has to sacrifice her whole way of life (the job also includes a move to a different state) would it be worth it? I don't want to say I know what to do, but I know that what seems good, does not always equal should.
On another note, I’ve been pondering relationships with guys and my tendency to become emotionally attached. Well, I won’t elaborate here, but I keep reminding myself, “just because you can does not mean you should.”

The UnGuide book review

Regarding that book review Relevant said they'd take, I'm including it here for those who are interested.
I don't know if it's against the rules of blog-land to post here but I doubt enough people read to care.
Here it is (although still somewhat in progress):

Many Christian dating books start with the premise that there’s something wrong with you if you’re single. The plethora of how-to-get-hitched volumes say that if you follow their prescribed steps and concoct their formula, then poof! You’ll be happily ever after married.
The unGuide to Dating: A He Said/She Said on Relationships stands out in crowd of methodical, one-dimensional Christian living books.
Authors Camerin Courtney (a thirty-something Today’s Christian Woman editor), and Todd Hertz (a twenty-something Campus Life editor) are both single and understand our generation’s unique dating plights. Dating is more complicated now than ever before—especially for Christians. There’s fewer single men in the church, changing gender roles, Internet dating, speed dating, shows like The Bachelor, and the effects of higher divorces rates to add to the mix. Singles are waiting longer to get married and Christians seem to be experiencing a dating drought.
This book could’ve been a vague diatribe pointing fingers at the ills of society and what’s wrong with men women, but it’s not. The authors challenge readers to take a good look at themselves, as they’re vulnerable to write their own mishaps and victories. They add to the dialogue with stories from readers on ChristianSinglesToday.com.
Readers (especially those on the older side of 25) should relate well to stories and insights shared here. Expect practical suggestions in this dialogue on dating, not just a list of do’s and don’ts.
The male and female pair gives an honest, mature, fun, and candid perspective in a refreshingly real way. The unGuide has no money-back guarantee, but neither does real life—or dating.

The Best Writing Week

This week has been the best week regarding writing that I can ever remember.
Monday—inspired by retreat, started blog (this really is a big step for me-kind).
* Saw that the first article I ever sent to Brio in 2003 was featured on Focus on the Family’s main Web page. Nice to think it’s still having influence, especially since I wrote that at one of my lowest points in life. God used it to show me HE is in control.
Wednesday—discovered my roommate is a great editor. I already thought she was pretty cool, but being able to give honest, constructive criticism gives her quite a few points in my book. Well, I don’t have a book, but if I did…or should I be positive and say, when I do?
* Boss offered to send me to the Writing for the Soul Conference in February. I save $800, get huge opportunity. Very exciting!
Thursday—queried Relevant about writing a book review. Won said yes! I regained confidence after he rejected last idea with silence.
* I am so proud of my writing group, the committed, passionate, talented Christ-following girls that they are.
C—(not me) can she tell a story! I delighted in the true account of making a cowboy a jeweler. She’s great with kids and adults. I can see her as a wonderful public speaker and/or author if she takes the courage and time to pursue publishing. But writing group is a start, no?
J—funny and quirky-cute. She’s going to be a famous young-adult/Western/sci-fi novelist soon, I’m sure.
K—superb essayist, elegant hostess, I could go on and on…
R—helped me out in a huge way with a last-minute music review. Passionate and talented in many ways. Boosts my ego by always telling me I’m beautiful, wonderful, great--but she is all of these. Everyone needs a friend like her.
Praise the Lord for all of this!

DCB Collision

One of my favorite albums EVER releases today. I've had the privelage to have been listening constantly for the past couple weeks.
The David Crowder Band amazes me with their diverse musical style; the ability to make praise songs, techno, and bluegrass all sound good is amazing to me. I highly recommend listening to the album, and reading what it's all about.
Here's a little snapshot:
DC says the atom on the cover is "improper in its depiction of particle matter. We know in fact that electrons do not circle in elliptical paths around a nucleus. And this is the difficulty with symbols. They are never quite proper. They are always a bit broken...This is the essence of art. We are creating broken containers...
This music, broken, improper and inadequate in its response, is rooted in that hope. The Kingdom of Heaven is here and now and coming
...Here it comes, a beautiful collision is happening now.”
The album ends with DC being interviewed by stumbling stupid-sounding journalist whom I can totally relate to, as I've been very ignorant when interviewing artists before. But at least I appreciate the poem, The Lark Ascending, that Crowder partially recites by George Meredith (1828–1909), which I'm including here:

He rises and begins to round,
He drops the silver chain of sound
Of many links without a break,
In chirrup, whistle, slur and shake,
For singing till his heaven fills,
’T is love of earth that he instils,
And ever winging up and up,
Our valley is his golden cup,
And he the wine which overflows
To lift us with him as he goes:
Till lost on his aërial rings
In light, and then the fancy sings.

This is a test

Imago Dei. In God's image I am created. The Master Creator spoke and there were mountains, flowers, trees, then me.
I relearned this weekend at an artists/writers retreat that we are created is God's image to re-create.
Yes, this is a test. I am now venturing into blogger land as an attempt to exercise a creative gift of writing.
I'm quivering like a golden aspen leaf ready to fall off its branch. But I'm ready to fly, to risk, to try.